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A sport very similar to football, except for the ice, sticks, puck, equipment and the fact that the players do the fighting instead of the fans. In fact, almost everything in sledge hockey is different from football, other than the object of the game, which is to score more goals than your opponent. Some people have compared sledge hockey to ice hockey but only because they're too lazy to do anything else. Goals are scored by moving a small round black disc into a semi-rounded cage with metal bars and netting. The puck must be shot into the net using a one of two short sticks with curved ends or deflected off a part of a players body whilst inflicting pain or embarrassment. Players bond with their ice by sitting on a sledge which most closely resembles a tea tray with blades. By careful misuse of the sticks the players propel themselves around the ice and into each other in manner considered by non-players an interesting way to commit suicide. Six players are on the ice for each team at any one time. Of the six, the most important is the player who keeps the puck out of the net ('goalie' or 'primary target'). Besides the goalie, there are two defencemen who are supposed to help the goalie keep the puck out of the net, and three players who try to put the puck in the opposing team's net - one centre and two forwards - all egomaniacs. To add to the confusion, the defencemen are expected to help the centre and forwards put the puck in the opposing net, while the centre and forwards are expected to help the defencemen keep the puck out of their own net. Because the defencemen, centre, and forwards are so busy helping each other, they often end up resenting the goalie, who helps no one and spends half the game sitting around waiting for a chance to stop the puck from going into the net. Sledge hockey doesn't have rules, instead it has a book of banned types of GBH and optional guidelines, most of which are designed to keep the players from hurting each other so badly that they cannot play in the next game. However, they must hurt each other enough to keep the fans interested. Players must never, ever swing their sticks at another player, unless the referee is not looking. Players who wish to fight each other must first discard all hats, gloves, sticks, and good-luck charms to prevent either player from gaining an unfair advantage. The goalie is not allowed to fight, primarily because the sight of a goalie fighting in full equipment can lead to various laughter-related injuries to the fans. A goalie who is caught breaking the rules does not go to the penalty box. Instead, the decision-maker of the team (coach or babysitter) picks a centre, forward, or defenceman to serve the penalty, so that the goalie can continue to keep pucks out of the net and break the rules whenever the referee is not looking. This has only served to increase the resentment of the centres, forwards, and defencemen, who cannot understand why the goalie should not also be publicly humiliated. However the goalie feels this suituation is fine, since the egotistical outfield players place all blame on the goalie for losing, yet take all of the credit for a win. |